But - who's counting?
Here it is – almost July – and I’m not really any closer to my goal than I was six months ago. Except, I have more ambition right now. I could really kick myself for backsliding but it is what it is and there’s no benefit to self-flagellation. Over the past year, I have “let” myself gain 25 pounds. I say let because I sure didn’t put out any effort to stop it. I believe that I have been deeply depressed and just pretending to myself and everyone around me that life was OK. It was not. I wasn’t happy in my job (kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and to get fired; I believe someone was on a mission to see me gone but I managed to outlast their effort). I wasn’t happy with how things were going at home. Ron’s health issues were taking a real toll on me emotionally – as well as financially. I pretty much gave up and only went through the motions of living.
Now, I’ve changed jobs and I’m much happier. I make more money that I did previously, which is nice. One drawback is we have much higher deductibles and co-pays for our medical expenses. That has taken a big bite out of my raise. Medicine that used to cost $15 per month now costs $75. Some things I can’t even buy locally – I’m required to purchase maintenance drugs through a mail-order and pay for three months at a time. Three months is $180 for that same previously-$15 per month drug (or $45 for three months worth; an increase of $135 at a time). Ron has two such prescriptions. I had one. He needed his (two different kinds of insulin). I decided I could live without mine (an oral diabetes medication).
The problem with me giving up mine is that my fasting blood sugars and my after meal blood sugars are much higher than I want them to be. Not HORRID like his were for years, but definitely not good. My hemoglobin A1C (measures your blood sugar over a rolling three month period) went from 6.2 to 7.6 in a very short amount of time. That is not a good thing. I increased one of my other (generic) drugs but I’ll run out before my three months is up (so I’ll need a refill sooner). I decided in order to get things back into control, I had to get ME back into control.
I had been doing walking as my main form of exercise and while I was doing that, I was able to maintain a healthier weight (still not where it should be, but better). When I shut down, I quit walking. My new employer has an exercise room that we can utilize for free. There is a weight system but I haven’t been able to figure out how to use it and there’s not anyone ever there to show me. There are three treadmills and an elliptical machine. I tried the elliptical and it just killed my knees and hips so I switched to one of the treadmills. I’ve set a goal to walk (daily) on each of my breaks (actually have to get up and take them) and to walk again after work for another 15 minutes. That will give me 45 minutes of walking a day (my doctor wanted me to do 30 – and didn’t care how I got it in). I also got up yesterday morning (hey… it’s a start) and walked for 15 minutes. I didn't fare quite so well this morning with trying to get up. I have, however, walked several times at work this week so I'm pleased with that. And, I'm drinking more water (just about anything is an improvement over what I had before). And, less coffee. Even less soda (I didn't drink much anyway and now virtually none).
I’m exhausted. Dieting sucks.
But, I’ve lost 7 of those pounds I gained. 18 left to go and then I can start on my real goal… another 40 pounds off after that. Healthy is most important (want my A1C down to at least 6.0) but weight loss will help reach that goal. And, I’ll sleep better because I’ll have less weight on my sore joints. It’s gotta be good.